mindless thoughtless rant

It has been awhile since I have written something. I am always surrounded by people these past few days. Often times in not so good company, but they are not bad people. And I’m not saying drinking makes you bad. It’s just that when you’ve had too much things become more interesting. Well that’s not entirely my point here. The point is I seem to have lost my touch. I don’t know what my touch even is but there seems to be something missing. And I’m not so happy with that.

I’ve been noticing how time flies so fast. The transitions in my life seem to be happening in the blink of an eye. I want to pause. I want savor the moment, I want to feel. Lately there’s this gaping hole inside me I can’t put a name on. Whenever I’m alone, my thoughts just wander to and fro and I never really get to think. Whenever I’m with people, I just don’t know what I think about. I just agree and listen to corn-pone opinions and become one with them, though I feel that in my part that’s really not the case. I just want to get along so I sorta do what it takes to get along.

Being trouble is tiring these days. I try to steer clear myself of some shit that might come my way. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I want to ponder on it. I feel so pathetic and down. I am sad and lonely and fucked up. Or I’m just trying to make out something out of my decadent fucked up life, which I decided for myself.

Ugh, my studies. I am a scholar at my school and I’m letting my studies lag behind; been skipping classes because I don’t feel like going. I am going to die.


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